i have been low energy for the past couple weeks and i have had no explanation as to why i feel this way. when people ask why i’ve been down or what’s been wrong – i had no answer because i myself didn’t know. and i trust i know myself very very well but i genuinely couldn’t put a finger on it. i thought maybe i’m lacking something in my body and so i got my blood work done but everything was fine. i signed myself up for a collegiate conference because maybe all i needed was community and to be with sangat but i still didn’t feel like myself and didn’t even have the energy to formulate a sentence towards the end of it. i work out regularly and try to keep myself busy. my screen time is low and i have set limits on my socials so i know it’s not because of me mindlessly scrolling. then one morning, i had the urgency to go outside and listen to a guided meditation because maybe all i really needed was to go to another dimension in the cosmos. i felt transcended and when i came back to the 2D world i felt goosebumps everywhere and felt lighter as if i just had an epiphany. i immediately picked up my old journals and read my old blog posts and then it finally clicked. as i was reading everything i wrote in the past, i realized i wasn’t this person anymore. my alignment with my higher self was so off. and by higher self i mean the best, most beautiful, and radiant version of myself. she’s who i was and want to be close to for the rest of my life. looking back at my journal entries – she was living for her and herself only. she would turn her phone off for days to reconnect with herself, be overjoyed by all her cry sessions, danced constantly and made others dance with her, went to sleep with gratitude and woke up saying ‘thank you for another day’ every morning, but she definitely wasn’t the happiest but that’s never stopped her from waking up every day with so much drive and motivation. there’s so much i could write about her but this is a public blog post and not a love letter.
but anyways life isn’t constant and i don’t want it to be but lately it has been feeling constant and living a life so stable and stagnant is boring.
i wasn’t in a rut or rotting – i was just mourning my past selves, wishing so bad to be with them and become them again but then i remembered the concept of evolution. evolution will always be a fabric of our existence and without evolution there is no change. as a society we have gotten a little TOO good at staying in one place and only have one plan. we only know that of stability and safety which is totally okay but we need to allow ourselves to surrender when we realize that we are in a continuous cycle with no growth. we all have wings. some people use them earlier and some use them later and then there are some people that do not use them at all. is there such a thing as using them too early or too late? is there a curated timing for them? maybe who knows. but at the end of the day what sense does it make to stay in a place that has already seen your highest growth and potential.
i’m basically coming to the conclusion that higher selves are re-born and re-aligned and i/we will get there. that’s truly my biggest desire – to get there and fully be there until it’s time to re-align again.
but how will i get there? to be honest i don’t know but i do know i wanna understand this version of myself even more because truthfully i have been neglecting her and this ‘low energy’ i have been feeling is the reason why.
- Journal
i will spend time understanding my unconscious self more and more. i don’t have to journal everyday but re-reading old entries helps, letters i’ve received, old blog posts, even reading my old planners will show me more clearly who i have become since then - Shadow work
this will make my unconscious self more conscious. i want to work with my unconscious mind to uncover parts of myself that i tend to repress and hide. - Spending time with people i respect and admire
who i surround myself with has a major impact on my confidence and awareness. i want to spend time with people whose values align with mine. people who also want to better themselves and have a plan on how to do it. because saying ‘i’m working on myself’ doesn’t have value unless you have a plan for your intentions. community will be a helping hand in every step you take, all you have to do is ask and it’ll find you - Commit to my intentions and goals
i don’t think there’s a better commitment then putting your goals out there for the world to see and read. it’s easy to connect when it’s an early morning outside in my backyard listening to guided meditations but true connection is finding the comfort in the uncomfort. - Keep an open mind
there will be days where i might get frustrated easily by something someone says, mindlessly scroll first thing in the morning, talk to myself harshly, and caring a lot about what others think/say but that’s part of the journey and knowing that its not going to be perfect has a very calming effect to it.
not sure what i was trying to get out of this blog post or what my main message is but i just had so many tabs open in my mind i decided to let it all out on here, so thank you for reading and letting me write about my raw emotions as its happening. but if you are feeling the same way I do or can relate to anything I have said – just know that you are light. your higher self is a part of you. your higher self is true to your values, drives your visions, and honors your aura. create space for this being because everyone deserves to know this version of yourself. you deserve to be this version of yourself. you deserve to make an impact on every soul you meet with your embodiment. here’s to evolution and re-alignment. it’s time to become how you truly want to be perceived in the world <333
MySimplicity 